Part VI

VI. Do or Die.

“Where is he?” he heard a voice say behind him. “Excuse me, doctor? I’m looking for my son...” He turned around slowly, recognizing the voice. “Mom… Mrs. Silver?” “Yes, how’d you know?” “I uhh, well your son just looks so much like you” “Oh, thank you. Can you tell me how he’s doing? Are you the doctor in charge?” her voice was soft and kind just as he remembered it. He wanted so much to hug her and feel the smell of her hair like he did when he was a kid. “Yes, I am. My name is Richard Smith, I’m the attending cardiologist. Your son needs surgery to replace one of the main arteries in his heart. Is he a smoker?” “Yes, a terrible habit I always told him.” “Well, it is a common problem among smokers.” “So, when will you be operating on him?” He thought about her question for a minute, suddenly realizing what her words meant and knowing that he had to do it. “This afternoon” he said plainly.

He couldn’t think about anything else for the rest of the day. He knew he had to concentrate if he wanted everything to go well with the surgery and he did want everything to go well with the surgery. He couldn’t risk his own body. But he couldn’t help to wonder what would happen if anything went wrong and his body died. Would he die too? But he knew that not operating would still kill him so he had to risk it.

He put on his scrubs, washed his hands and walked into the operating room as he had done so many times before except that for the first time in three years, he was terrified. As he began the procedure, he was a little relieved to see familiar faces in the room. The anesthesiologist was a friend of his and even if he knew he had no chance with her he was a little happy to see Nancy the nurse there. Suddenly all the things he had done for the past 17 years seemed to be coming to an end. He had a strange feeling in his stomach something like a hunch. There was a little voice that kept telling him to walk away even though he knew he couldn’t.

Almost an hour into surgery he had managed to calm down a little and his hands didn’t feel so sweaty and shaky anymore. And then in the blink of an eye something went wrong. All the machines around him began going off and everybody started saying things he couldn’t understand anymore. “He’s crashing, quick doctor…” “Doctor Smith, are you okay?” “We’re losing him…” “Someone page doctor Roberts…”

He couldn’t tell anymore what had happened, suddenly he saw a bright flash of light and the noises around him started to fade away, the voices weren’t so clear anymore. Everything had turned into a blur and muffled sounds. Suddenly Charlie was this 15 year old boy again. The body he was in felt so heavy. It was like waking up again after jumping, except this time he wasn’t waking up, he was dying.